High School Part Deux...

So in 13 days my oldest "baby" will be starting high school.  I think the past three months I have been in serious denial.  I have otherwise been distracted by summer, poopie diapers, and teething to name a few.  But man oh man, here we go.  

My son is an awesome kind of kid.  He is smart, funny, temper mental,  he really is 1/2 mom and 1/2 dad.  He is so ready to begin this journey and have all these experiences that come with being a teenager. I frankly, am scared shitless.  I was only 5 years older than he is now when I had him, and I pray every day that when the time comes and he faced with a difficult situation he makes good choices for himself. How do you know if you've done a good enough job with your kids? How do you know if you've instilled the morals and values that it takes to become a kind, accepting, good person?  Well, I guess you just know when you know.

It's like you blink and they have armpit hair.  I feel like he is ready, I feel very optimistic that he will be interested in good grades rather than JUST cute girls.  Ahhhhh, the anxiety is setting in. I love that boy more than he'll ever know.  He'll be great, it's me that's going to crumble.  He might be my oldest but he is my baby.  I was just a baby when I had him, so mine and his bond was always a lot different that most. We grew up together, we were always brutally honest with each other, he's growing up so fast.

Okay, so I'm in tears now.  Must exit the blogging world and manage these emotions in the real world.  It will be good, I have to embrace him and his youth and remember that he is no longer that 3 year old that loved his Hot Wheels almost more than his Momma.  He is a sweet, smart, handsome young man that is excited for his future.  I MUST embrace this at all costs.  Support him and love him. Cherish him and teach him.  Geeze...I am such a baby.  I love you EJC...here's to the next 4 years!!!

Good Days/Bad Days

This is a very real thing for me, I have found that in my line of work (as a nanny, chef, babysitter, driver, personal assistant, maid, etc) that I have to remind myself to take things one day at a time.  I have been married for 3 years and am still adjusting to "married life".  Don't get me wrong, I love being married and I seriously have one of the best husbands around, but man is it an adjustment.  Then throw in the fact that we had two kids 13 months apart. WOW!

I know, it was my personal choice so why complain about it?  I'm not complaining, I'm working it out on the Internet.  Free therapy of sorts, just still adjusting.  The order of kids go: boy 14 years, girl 21 months, boy 7 months. 

Oddly enough the good days seem to be out numbering the bad recently.  Which is awesome because I really thought I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown but then I get on the Internet or see my real therapist and realize that I'm not alone and millions of women have had the same feelings I've had.  So even though I was pooped on, had pee poured on my foot, and had a teenager smart talk me before 9am...today still seems to be a pretty okay day.  And for now, I'm okay with good and bad...as long as the good comes in bigger volumes.  My family is my heart and soul.  And I just hope that I'm doing a good enough job for them.

On a side note, I had a babysitter for a couple hours this morning which ruled.  So I didn't even have to go the the bathroom with the door open!  But I did anyways because I was home alone and could.  HAHAHA The things that please me now are ridiculous.

~J

An old friend

This blog is like an old friend I had previously lost contact with but am now reacquainted. I'm sure not too many people will read this so I have big plans for this little blog.  Brutal honesty! That's it, plain and simple.  I am excited to have a place to come and speak my crazy mother-lovin mind.  Ta-ta for now. I have a headache and thinking of a name for this here blog took a lot of energy.

~J